In Over My Head

Today I realised I might have a problem. I’m filled with a craving, a lust, a need for more.

First the liquid is sucked up.

Then the rush.

It’s so visceral.

So intense.

I feel so alive!

But then it’s over.

I’m left floating.



And then I want more!

Today I realised I’m an addict.

I tried it first when I was a teenager but after a little experimenting I gave it up. About a year ago I tried it again. Every other weekend for a while and then just on random occasions. But now that I’m traveling, with no responsibilities, I’ve started again. And this time it has become a daily habit. I can’t get enough! And I love it!

I have become addicted to surfing. Every morning as I wake, before I notice the morning light dancing on my eyelids, before I smell the salty air, even before I recognise the dull ache in my shoulder from sleeping on my side, the very first thing I sense is the sound.

It sounds like a jet plane off in the distance, coming closer, closer then a roar, and a boom. My mind ticks over. Listening closely. The answer slowly becoming clearer. The answer to the all important question. How big is it today?

Even though I surfed when I was a kid, starting again last year was like starting all over again. Over a decade out of the game left me with nothing apart from being able to read the waves due to a little body surfing here and there. And as a kid I was body boarding mostly. My crack at surfing then was short lived, all I could really do was stand up.

When we left Australia I had gotten back to that first benchmark. I could just stand up.

But here in Sri Lanka I’m in the water every day, and every day I’m scratching in new benchmarks. Every time it makes the corners of my mouth rise so much that my cheeks hurt. But the pain goes unnoticed as the joy gushes from my heart.

Today’s achievement had me doing a little dance in the whitewash. Before which I stood there struck with awe as I relived the wave in slow motion in my mind. Turning around after dropping down the face and seeing the ocean above me. My first over head height wave.

But as I paddled back out, grinning ear to ear full of stoke, I felt it.

That lust.

That craving.

I want bigger!

But when I realised this I stopped.

And I asked myself.

Am I in over my head?

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6 Responses to In Over My Head

  1. don says:

    thats so good. ive had that feeling for close to fourty years. its the best remedy. my email is for the japan trip

    • MattJill says:

      Glad to hear it never goes away 🙂

      Just sorting out a way to make Japan work. It’s obviously over our $20 a day budget but the funny thing is we were looking at getting jobs for the season on a Japanese resort a month ago. And it was the same resort you guys are heading to. So we’re checking out if there’s any jobs left now

  2. susan rennie says:

    What an awesome “issue” to have Matt. I can almost see that smile curl at the corners of your mouth as you experience the euphoria of the success. How about you Jill?

  3. Doris says:

    Love your writing Matt. It sounds like surfing is addictive – no doubt there are thousands of surfers continually chasing the waves, day in, day out, all over the globe. Hope that you can get to Japan I think you will both love it.

  4. Marita says:

    Having been addicted to surfing iMatt & Jill (Penny and I actually went in the WA State Championships once) – I completely understand. I would never have been able to describe it so eloquently though – where did you get so clever?? I remember when you won that story writing contest at school “The Sun is Shining” – that also took my breath away like your little story here. Finding passion (for anything) is such an incredible gift, so I’m over the moon you guys have found that. World’s your oyster kids ………..enjoy every exciting minute of it. Love you heaps, Mum

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